Bernanke 'Slams' Financial Advisors

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke laced into so called 'Financial Advisors' yesterday. He was quoted as saying "Those guys are a bunch of commission monkey mutual funds salesmen!"
Bernanke explained that there is no logic whatsoever to the stock market, and it is based solely on public opinion.  "You can quote all the numbers you like, if the sheep buy a stock the price goes up" he explained.  Fearing for their jobs ( and affiliations with lawyers and politicians, financial advisors quickly silenced Bernanke and started to recite stories about Enron. Spokesman for the financial advisors, Ted Scammie said that Bernanke's remarks could shut down the entire financial world, and put thousands out of jobs.  Scammie also defamed the Reserve Chairman by explaining the following:
"When he was a child, he used to scribble on paper.  Folks called him Bernanke-Doodle".

In a parallel story, the Republicans are spearheading a new initiative to re-train financial advisors. Viable options ( by options I mean choices, not calls and puts) would be having them sell encyclopedias door to door, or having them join Amway.