Baby Care

Neurologists Prefer Certain Patients

Neurologists who perform surgery at the Mayo Clinic (a hospital for condiments) have made their preferences known:  "We prefer patients who are open-minded" said one physician.  Apparently, hard-headed patients are tougher to work on.  Patients awaiting surgery have made their frustrations known - "We need this like a hole in the head" said one member of the group.
In a related story, a psychiatrist at the Mayo clinic met a strand of spaghetti that was overly anxious, phobic, and had mood swings.  "That's one complex carbohydrate" said the doctor.

Quebec Opens New Chicken Restaurant

While the Bastardaches settle who steals money from the Ministere des Parcometres, the Ministere des Restaurants du Quebec has opened a new chain of fast foods for French people who like to argue. It's called "Kentucky Fried Chicane".....

Nutrition to be Improved Among Executives

The U.S. Government, in an initiative to spearhead health and nutrition has introduced new legislature - to improve the foods eaten at corporate meetings, in specific when executives travel for business. Dr. P. Inhead was quoted as saying "We are going to improve on the quality of coffee and ice water served to our executives who travel to hotels and conventions".  Traveling corporate monkeys across the country cheered this news, and can now look forward to super cold water and Colombian blend coffee before being yelled at for slumping sales.

Magician is Full of Twit....

Yesterday, at Heathrow Airport, police spotted a Malaka Magician walking in circles talking to himself.  According to bystanders the character kept repeating the words “Trick Or Tweet” while typing something on his Blackberry.  Police said after he was done texting, he had to pull an immediate BBM – upon which he went to the bathroom and exploded.  After that, for absolutely unknown reasons, he went to a dental supply clinic and bought root canal equipment.

Malaka? Well, it's from the Greek word malakia - meaning two different things - 

1 - masturbation

2 - 'nonsense'. Perhaps this site should be called MalakiaMySite!

Vegetarian Cooks - Attacked!

Vegetarian cooks across the U.K. were attacked last week.  Apparently, they got the beets.  According to sources, the cooks were cornered near a bridge. They were frightened to cross that bridge when they came to it, but then, they just got over it.  "Lettuce Go! We Tolled You So!" yelled the rioters who were yielding to the cooks claiming the bridge crossing was not fare.

Everyone else just picked up some lunch consisting of Twinkies and Old Milwaukee and headed on home.

New Diet - To Lose Weight Fast!

The new “Stop the Damn Eating” diet seems to be waning in popularity this week. After years of longitudinal study and billions of dollars in research, the U.S. Government  has determined that the best way to lose weight is to stop the damn eating. Fatties across the U.S. remain puzzled, and really cannot grasp the concept. “You mean no more KFC?” replied Alice Lardo citizen of Kentucky.


In a similar story, the U.S. Treasury announced new economic strategies for Americans. It’s called the “Don’t Spend Money You Don’t Have” concept. It involves the idea of only buying things you can afford.  This means no credit or deferred payment plan.  Again, this approach as of yet, still proves to be far too complex for most citizens, as the economy continues to tank.

Matzoh Can Cause Severe Digestive Problems

Gastroenterologists across the country have determined that the festive food eaten by Jews at Passover can cause serious digestive problems. Matzo, or unleavened bread is known to be quite binding. Dr. A Fine, a gastroenterologist and Jew himself has confessed – “The food is quite binding, it won’t let my people go”.