English Class Can't Follow Cirque Du Soleil

A college level English class from Harvard was not able to follow a simple story line.  Thirty three students from the college were taken to see a Cirque du Soleil performance - and none of them understood it!  "There was simply too much jumping around for us to follow it" explained one student.

University Professor Caught Unloading Pallets

A university professor was caught on camera unloading wooden pallets from a shipping truck.  "I wanted to take control and remove them from the truck" said the unnamed professor.  Nearby students began yelling "Hey! Teacher! Leave those skids alone!"

New Higher Educational Institution

The U.S. government has launched the first ever university that will focus on witchcraft, and wizardry.

"Students can also study the occult"

Explained Louis Cyphre, self-appointed principal.  The name of the new institution will be "Damn-U"....

New Educational Reforms Across the United States

President Barack Obama has introduced the toughest new educational reforms in U.S. history.  Starting January 1, 2011 American schoolchildren will no longer be allowed to take recess breaks. "We want to prevent the children from reloading" said Obama.  As well, school cafeterias across the country will put a sales limit of six bullets per day per student. "No longer will students be able to go to the caf, buy 100 rounds and set them off in the schoolyard" said Obama.  In addition to all these measures, the president also has promised to upgrade metal detectors in high schools to state of the art technology.