Nutrition to be Improved Among Executives

The U.S. Government, in an initiative to spearhead health and nutrition has introduced new legislature - to improve the foods eaten at corporate meetings, in specific when executives travel for business. Dr. P. Inhead was quoted as saying "We are going to improve on the quality of coffee and ice water served to our executives who travel to hotels and conventions".  Traveling corporate monkeys across the country cheered this news, and can now look forward to super cold water and Colombian blend coffee before being yelled at for slumping sales.

Samsonite Firing Top Executives

Based in Carillon Texas, Samsonite Inc fired its top executives. “We didn’t need all that baggage” explained an employee who wished to remain anonymous. According to sources, the company was being managed in a carousel fashion. Items were constantly getting lost, and employees became more and more frustrated. Departments are becoming more compartmentalized, and for now, people are keeping their mouths zipped.

The Return of Terror Politics

Last week's terrorism scare in Detroit did not seem to shake President Obama. "From now on we're going to implement the toughest security standards the world has ever seen", said the President.  According to 'politician' Ron Kennedy (illegitimate son of Ted Kennedy, who sits on the board of directors of several tobacco companies, pharmaceutical companies, and oversees the Democratic slush fund) some of these measures will include:

• Travelers entering the US will now be required to arrive at airports 4 hours before their flight
• Once someone has passed security, he will now have to visit an airport steakhouse restaurant where he can choose all types of 10" steak knives to bring on board
• Lighters, fluids, firearms and ammunition can only be purchased once someone has passed security and is awaiting a flight

Donald Rumsfeld, an 'honest man', who has sold his shares of the H1N1 vaccine manufacturing plant, was quoted as saying:

 "I've had enough with the H1N1, now it's time for me to ensure public safety and I will personally oversee that all commercial establishments beyond security checkpoints are 'authorized' and members of the 'Donald Rumsfeld Group' "