Tiger Woods Followed By Sex Addiction Sponsor

Sources close to Tiger Woods confirmed Friday that, due to the large number of women expected to attend this year's Masters, the top-ranked golfer has requested that his Sex Addicts Anonymous sponsor, 42-year-old recovering sexaholic Dave Gilecki, be at his side at all times during the tournament.  "There are holes everywhere - and we know where that could lead" said Gilecki. Tiger Woods was reported to have been walking around the green saying "Bend over, I'll drive you home" repeatedly under his breath.

Sealy Mattresses Sponsor Luge Event

Sealy Posturepedic is sponsoring the Luge event at the Vancouver Olympic Games. Luge athletes go through rigorous training. They run, jump, and lie down on a board. “It’s exhausting” said a 200 lb beer-‘n-chicken wing athlete. “I probably wouldn’t do it, if it weren’t for the gay uniforms they force us to wear”, said another. In contrast, the Luge athletes made fun of the gymnastics events. “Why train so hard that you stop menstruating?” said one luge athlete. “We just lie down and get billions of dollars in sponsorship” said another athlete rumored to be related to Tiger Woods.