How To Become A Hockey Announcer

Gary Bettman, commissioner for the NHL has created a course for young men and women who are aspiring to become hockey announcers. "It's a four step process" said Bettman

1. Shave off all your hair, and wear a very obvious toupée
2. Wear "coke-bottle" glasses that are at least +3.75 so everyone thinks you have nice 'big' eyes
3. Wear a headset - a big old one from the seventies at all times. No matter what.
4. Every third sentence, find a way to say "Hollywood Vs. Broadway" - and just keep repeating this.

Courses will begin this fall.

Sochi Not Allowed To Host Summer Games

Officials in Sochi have been told by the IOC that they're not allowed to host the summer games.  The reasoning behind is that they fear 'track and field' athletes would continue running beyond the finish line, and try to make it to the Russian border.  Representatives from Sochi were not available for comment, as a matter of fact, they were missing at the time of this report.

First Baseman Legend Shares News

Albert Pujols, first baseman for the Cardinals is an outstanding ball player.  Last week, he shared some news with us at Whack My Site, here's what he said:

"I was curious why the ball was thrown at me - it kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me"

Scott Hartnell to Work at Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Money is tight, and for hockey players earning millions of dollars of year, things are rough. "It's hard to keep up a cocaine/hooker habit while on the road, and things get very expensive" said one player who wished to remain anonymous. In a more positive light, Philadelphia Flyers player Scott Hartnell has taken up a part time job at the "Wizarding World of Harry Potter". He works and earns extra money as the character "Hagrid".

 

Tiger Woods Followed By Sex Addiction Sponsor

Sources close to Tiger Woods confirmed Friday that, due to the large number of women expected to attend this year's Masters, the top-ranked golfer has requested that his Sex Addicts Anonymous sponsor, 42-year-old recovering sexaholic Dave Gilecki, be at his side at all times during the tournament.  "There are holes everywhere - and we know where that could lead" said Gilecki. Tiger Woods was reported to have been walking around the green saying "Bend over, I'll drive you home" repeatedly under his breath.

Sealy Mattresses Sponsor Luge Event

Sealy Posturepedic is sponsoring the Luge event at the Vancouver Olympic Games. Luge athletes go through rigorous training. They run, jump, and lie down on a board. “It’s exhausting” said a 200 lb beer-‘n-chicken wing athlete. “I probably wouldn’t do it, if it weren’t for the gay uniforms they force us to wear”, said another. In contrast, the Luge athletes made fun of the gymnastics events. “Why train so hard that you stop menstruating?” said one luge athlete. “We just lie down and get billions of dollars in sponsorship” said another athlete rumored to be related to Tiger Woods.

2012 Summer Olympics – Postponed?

The 2012 Summer Olympics scheduled to be held in London may be postponed. Athletes are facing many problems during swimming practice. “Divers are constantly going off the deep end” explained a coach who wished to remain anonymous. Some people see this as shallow, but hopefully the situation will not be a flop in 2012