Why Tiger Woods may not be Talking to Police - Kalika Moquin

Why you ask? Well, think for a bit, would you? I mean seriously, you hit balls into a hole (as do toddlers) and rake in millions upon millions per year. All of a sudden, you go on a bender for the weekend and smash up your fancy car. Congratulations, you've broken the 'machine'. You now have a team of lawyers, publicity people, and politicians all swooping down upon you figuring out how they can 'repair' the situation, and at the same time, score some serious coin for themselves. Perhaps they'll pass the "It's okay for Tiger to get Smashed" bill, or the "Nick Nolte Tiger Woods Bill".

This silence wait and see is basically the 'network' figuring out how to put a positive spin on this. For more about Tiger Woods, and his 'athletic abilities' click here

So what's really the deal? Well, playing pocket pool is expensive, and Tiger knows that.  Take for instance his third mistress: Kalika Moquin.  "Par" for the course I suppose.  The tough part is how is a guy supposed to have a discreet s&m relationship with a wild blond without anyone finding out? The answer simple, just do the following:

• Install Windows 7
• Buy a shamwow
• give a 'donation' to the Republicans (while renewing your permits)
• get the H1N1 vaccine (no Donald Rumsfeld does not own the drug company, well okay, some of it).
• Stop wearing high heel shoes
• prepare for killer bees

If you do all the above, things should go smoothly.

Tiger was also heard yelling out at a tournament, he shouted: "Bend over, I'll drive you home".  Reporters suggested that this was directed towards Kalika.