Erection Problems? – Simple: Log Onto Twitter

Wanna know about any Dick Clark sightings? Need credit? Looking for Boxing Day deals? Cure Fibromyalgia? The answer is simple, log onto Twitter. Yes, nowadays Twitter will answer anything and everything. Car companies, lawyers, and politicians are now doing all their business through Twitter. Yoga Guru and masturbatory sex therapist Gurunand Usemyhand explained that Twitter has now launched many variations of its site:

• For people who cough up phlegm: log onto Spitter
• For people with anger issues: log onto Bitter
• Those with digestive problems: log onto (you know this one.....)

Warning: may contain nuts, a simple blood test can determine if you are an American lawyer, and if you’ve committed suicide three years ago. Stop using Twitter if you have vertigo or delusions of becoming a lawyer or if in any way you have a desire to write drug disclaimers. Call your doctor immediately, just in case, because you may sue us. These disclaimers are what Obama calls ‘health care reform’