Medical Study at Mayo Clinic Determines Too Much George Michael Music Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

According to Dr. Phil N. Goode of the Mayo clinic, listening to too much George Michael music can be hazardous to your health. In specific, studies were done on the song “Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart”. Researchers have followed over 250 teen aged American mall employees over a four year period. They have determined that repeatedly listening to the song played over the mall’s P.A. system can cause the following:

• Apathy
• Dependence on a cell phone
• Addiction to Rock Band
• Obsession with Facebook
• Poor performance in School

When authorities tried to contact Michael, he was nowhere to be found. All they encountered was Paula Abdul going ballistic with a shovel yelling “go away, he’s not here”.

 In a tribute to this sad situation, mega-star “Juice Newton” has re-written the song. The chorus of her version is listed below. To get the full effect, you must ‘sing’ it in your head as you read it:

Last Christmas by Juice Newton

Last Christmas, I tried on your shorts, 

But the very next day, I got anal warts.
This year, to save me from fear

I’ll insert a long pickle spear.

Last Christmas, I dated a tart 

The very next day, I could not fart. 

This year to keep up the cheer,

I’ll do it in your ear….

 Ringtone available soon....

Gastroenterologists at the Mayo Clinic have also found that the video below can cause digestive problems as you will probably upchuck your food from lunch. Watch at your own risk

The Mayo clinic, it’s not just a hospital for condiments….