Neurologists Prefer Certain Patients

Neurologists who perform surgery at the Mayo Clinic (a hospital for condiments) have made their preferences known:  "We prefer patients who are open-minded" said one physician.  Apparently, hard-headed patients are tougher to work on.  Patients awaiting surgery have made their frustrations known - "We need this like a hole in the head" said one member of the group.
In a related story, a psychiatrist at the Mayo clinic met a strand of spaghetti that was overly anxious, phobic, and had mood swings.  "That's one complex carbohydrate" said the doctor.

Quebec Opens New Chicken Restaurant

While the Bastardaches settle who steals money from the Ministere des Parcometres, the Ministere des Restaurants du Quebec has opened a new chain of fast foods for French people who like to argue. It's called "Kentucky Fried Chicane".....

Nutrition to be Improved Among Executives

The U.S. Government, in an initiative to spearhead health and nutrition has introduced new legislature - to improve the foods eaten at corporate meetings, in specific when executives travel for business. Dr. P. Inhead was quoted as saying "We are going to improve on the quality of coffee and ice water served to our executives who travel to hotels and conventions".  Traveling corporate monkeys across the country cheered this news, and can now look forward to super cold water and Colombian blend coffee before being yelled at for slumping sales.

New Educational Reforms Across the United States

President Barack Obama has introduced the toughest new educational reforms in U.S. history.  Starting January 1, 2011 American schoolchildren will no longer be allowed to take recess breaks. "We want to prevent the children from reloading" said Obama.  As well, school cafeterias across the country will put a sales limit of six bullets per day per student. "No longer will students be able to go to the caf, buy 100 rounds and set them off in the schoolyard" said Obama.  In addition to all these measures, the president also has promised to upgrade metal detectors in high schools to state of the art technology.

Time For Some Caulk!

We all need, it, and we all think about it - some good caulk. Life would be simpler with good caulk. According to Alex Harding, creator of Alex's Caulk, his stuff is the best.  "You open it and it smells like caulk!", said Alex. He also went further to explain "It goes on sticky, and then after a while it gets hard.  After many years it cracks. It's real caulk" said Harding.  Women across the U.S. have taken an interested in this new product, many cougars in their forties have questioned if this product comes in black.

Magician is Full of Twit....

Yesterday, at Heathrow Airport, police spotted a Malaka Magician walking in circles talking to himself.  According to bystanders the character kept repeating the words “Trick Or Tweet” while typing something on his Blackberry.  Police said after he was done texting, he had to pull an immediate BBM – upon which he went to the bathroom and exploded.  After that, for absolutely unknown reasons, he went to a dental supply clinic and bought root canal equipment.

Malaka? Well, it's from the Greek word malakia - meaning two different things - 

1 - masturbation

2 - 'nonsense'. Perhaps this site should be called MalakiaMySite!

Satellite Radio - A Total Scam!!!!

According to the American Broadcast Society, satellite radio is a total scam. "It simply doesn't work" said CEO Freddie Orbiz.  "How are you supposed to hear the thing from way up there?? - They can't be Sirius!".