Passports & Nexus Cards - No Longer Accepted

United States border authorities will no longer accept passports or Nexus cards as valid identification in order to enter the country.  According to new U.S. policy, valid forms of I.D. can be any (or all of the following)

• gun permit
• parole documents
• illegal immigration papers
• restraining orders
• I.O.U.s for drug money (signed with blood)
• contribution slips to a "U.S. political party"

This policy is the toughest new legislation, and will be followed.