Romaine Lettuce - DEADLY!!!!

Studies at the Mayo Clinic (a hospital for condiments) have concluded that romaine lettuce can be deadly. In a longitudinal study involving over 500 people, those who ate romaine lettuce died after an average of 80 years.  "That's because they didn't use our product" said CEO of "Wash-Away Lettuce Spray" Johnny Hamway.  "Our product washes away 90% of mites, whatever those are", said Hamway. Studies have also shown that lettuce that contains Omega-6.3 dehyrdoxide with a valence ion on its sp2 orbital is also much healthier.

 Because of the serious nature of this study, rock group Led Zeppelin has launched another tour to promote this information - "The Song Romaines The Same"

Sears Announces New High Tech Audio Division

Sears Canada has announced a new division that will carry hi-tech audio devices. In keeping up with technology, Sears plans to carry turntables and replacement stylus for phonographs.  As well, it is also rumored that Sears will be re-marketing its 8-track line to keep up with the changing pace of technology.