Carpenters Leave Union!!!

Carpenters across America have left the National Woodworkers Union in order to form their own splinter group.  "Knot a good move" said union president Freddie Mahogany.  "You wood do better to stay in and pine for a new contract" quoted the president.

Accident Victim at 3M

A worker at the Paper Mate company was re-stocking the stationary cabinet at work, when an accident occurred.  According to sources, a product hit an employee causing great injury.  The employee was quoted as saying "A huge box of Liquid Paper fell on top of me. I was dazed, and couldn’t see anything, it was a complete white-out....."

 

Jim Messina - Blocked From Online Banking

Musical artist Jim Messina was blocked from online banking yesterday.  According to officials, he's been barred because of too many loggins..

Never Bet Against An Irishman!

Some friendly advice from the good folks at Whack My Site :
Never ever play poker with an Irishman. When it comes to betting, those guys keep Dublin....

Montreal International Festival

Jazz singers and porn actresses are gearing up for the annual "Montreal International Jizz Festival".  According to insider information, the 'emptying' of wind instruments must be done using rubber gloves.

Trumpet Deemed Easiest Instrument To Play

According to the International Standards on How Hard Musical Instruments Are to Play (ISHHMIAP) the trumpet is by far the easiest instrument to play, easier than the tambourine.  Get serious - how hard can it be - there are only three different pins on it. It looks a helluva lot easier to play than the piano.

New Medical Terms

Obama's Health Care Reform bill has recently published this new list of medical terms.